I'm still around.

I just don't have the energy for blogging anymore. Or at least I don't right now. Work is exhausting. My life has become a series of motions that I'm not finding much joy in. I find myself bouncing between angry and heartbroken. I can physically feel the pain of my heart breaking. It is horrible. The nightmares are terrible. I'm struggling so much now as I try to understand and find purpose in life. I have started to feel like that my life will not have purpose unless I"m able to have a child. These were not feelings that I've ever had until now. I feel like at this point my existence is to make sure that everyone else around me is taken care of and gets what they want and need.  I'm taking care of everyone's everything. When will I ever get what I want? When will I ever get what I need? I'm falling apart. So is this blog. I'll be taking a break from it for a little while so I can try to gather some thoughts. I'm still around, but things just aren't going well.