Labor & Delivery - Part 1

Friday morning, we walked through the hospital and up to labor and delivery. It was horrible, long walk. Pictures of babies on the walls along the way. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone. I just kept thinking, "so this is what this would have been like in 4 1/2 months..." I didn't even have to say my name when we arrived: the tears said it all. The receptionist just said, "Jennifer?" I nodded my head, and a nurse came out to lead us to our delivery room. I just stood in the entrance of the room just sobbing. I couldn't believe what I was going to have to go through. The nurse asked if we just wanted to talk first instead of putting on a gown. I said yes. Then she asked if we had any questions.

I had millions of questions! Why is this happening being the first? I knew she couldn't answer that. But I wanted to know is my baby going to be in pain (probably not)--will it be born alive? (they're not sure) How long will the process take? (it could take anywhere from 8 hours to over 24 hours. they didn't know). From 7:30 am until 10 pm that day, we sat in that labor and delivery room. My mom and her boyfriend came to visit. My husband treated me like royalty. To say he was a rock is too cliche to describe what he was for me during this process. My doctor stopped in every few hours. The nurses stayed and talked.

Every 4 hours I was given a dose of cytotec to start contractions and help dilate my cervix. They'd come in and ask how I was feeling, I'd say, "the same" and then another dose would come. At 10  pm, for my last dose of the day the doctor wanted to see how far I had dilated  I was still at the same 1 cm that I was at at 7:30 am. He said we had a long journey ahead of us. (I was 1 cm at 7:30 am because they inserted laminaria sticks the day before, which are small hard sticks that slowly expand in the cervix). I was given a shot in my IV to sleep.

At 2 am my doctor came in and woke me up and said he wasn't doing another dose during the night. He did research online he said, because it was taking much longer than usual for my cervix to soften and dilate. He said he wanted me to get some rest. Tomorrow could be another long day.

The next morning after breakfast they did a triple dose of cytotec. Then eventually I could tell actual contractions had started. Every 3 minutes, lasting for about 30 sec. This lasted quite a while that way--I was still fighting getting pain meds. I told the social worker the day prior I didn't think I wanted any, because I didn't deserve them. I felt like I needed to be punished for ruining my poor baby's life. Eventually though my husband talked me into it. We tried IV pain meds, but by that point the contractions were so strong and so fast, it just didn't help. Instead of getting 3 minutes or so of relief between contractions, I was getting maybe 20 seconds. Eventually it was just one long constant contraction with no relief. I gave way to an epidural. About 30 minutes after the epidural I realized I could just feel pressure and no pain. I told my nurse and she went to get the doctor.

It was a new doctor since it was the next day. She felt me and she said it was time. It had been such a long couple of days that I was relieved to hear that and also horrified. My mom was in the room with me at the time and so was my husband. She had stopped by just to see how I was doing. I asked my husband if it was okay that she stayed. He said, "Of course." So with my mother on one side and husband on the other, I pushed whenever the doctor asked. It was about five times. I lay there and cried as the nurse took her to the scale and cleaned her up. James tells me now that he remembers the nurse asking, "Can I call it?" Meaning was she okay to call the time of death. At this point all I could ask, "Do we know if it was a boy or a girl?" At 1 pm our little girl, Astrid Lynne, was born sleeping. She weighed 13 oz and was 10.25 inches long.