I woke up at 8:30 this morning and was too exhausted to keep my eyes open. I didn't open my eyes for good until my husband came home from work at 1:30 pm. Considering I went to bed before 1:30 am, you would think that much sleep would leave me well-rested. It probably would have been extremely restful sleep had it not been for the dreams. More specifically, The Dream.
The Dream is the one where you get to relive the loss all over again. It isn't always exactly as it happened, but rather a re-imagined version. This particular version was relatively realistic. The emotion, the birth, the grief--it was all there. So much so that when I opened my eyes the one time between 8:30 am and 1:30 pm, I immediately thought, "It was all a dream." And for just a split second, I felt relief and felt my shoulders relax and was grateful that I was still pregnant. And just as quickly as the thought entered my head, I was jerked back to reality and the relief quickly vanished. It was just a dream...but it is also the reality that haunts my waking state.
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